


These Are Not The Kind Of Heroes We Expected

by rosesinheavylight



Category: Space ☆ Dandy, Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: Cosmica Fucking Loves Pompadours Headcanon, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Multi, Platonic Romance, Rabbit Falls In Love With A(nother) Beautiful Appliance, Space Opera, The Vice Quadrant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6579364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesinheavylight/pseuds/rosesinheavylight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the vast frontier of space, Commander Cosmo seeks some heroes. His friend, who's known by most as only "Starburner", finds the perfect team for the job while patrolling the Vice Quadrant.  The Commander can't say much about them, except that they're pretty <i>dandy.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The (Other) Robot That Fancies Space Whales, Baby

Out of all the places the Aloha Oe could drift to, A far off vice was the one that beckoned with its distant purple light.

The soft, flashing glow and dim of one of the buttons on the control board was QT's only companion that was still somewhat awake. Meow had slid out of his chair and onto the cool floor about an hour ago, only responding to it with a snore. In the last ten minutes the robot had to recalibrate the coordinates because Dandy's head hit a few rather important buttons on his way down from nodding off.

Both living crew members were asleep, but QT knew how to drive the old ship. Not a problem in their book.

The robot swiveled in their navigating seat, and they sighed to themselves. Arriving at the Vice would be another twenty minutes, they calculated. Then again, their calculations weren't always accurate. Turning back to their work, QT supposed they could catch up on surfing the net, or something that wouldn't take too much of their attention away from the controls. But before they could, a far-off moan came from outside.

The robot jumped a bit, looking to the window in disbelief. It was like everyone said, _"In space, no one can hear you scream."_ There was no such thing as a sound barrier in the deep depths of this part of the Universe, or most parts for that matter.

Maybe the Oe was just creaking, the robot supposed. Like QT, it wasn't the newest piece of technology on the market anymore. But then it came again, a low gurgle turned into a yawning bawl. It sounded like...like...

"A...whale?" QT murmured, their voice turned to its lowest volume to keep from waking the others. They leaned further on their stool, and the noises multiplied. Suddenly, a large vessel came creeping along from around the edge of the ship's window, and the robot couldn't believe the photoreceptors in their monitor: _Whales! Whales in space!_

...

_Whales in space?_

While QT would normally go the " _Unregistered_ whales in space" direction, it failed to open in their programming. Their two vaccum tube arms came together, the fingers on each end crossing together as more whales came floating on by, looking into the window and mooing. The warm green glow from their wrinkled skin and the content sounds made the sort of loving feeling stir up in the robot, the kind that didn't ever have a mode or setting in their files.

It wasn't even a document or extension that could be downloaded, and more like a natural reaction that grew over time. "Love" was something that could be concluded as "logical" in QT's perspective, most likely formed from the prolonged exposure to human emotion: Meow, Dandy, and people in between.

Basically, if it seemed to function in a human, QT's hardware asked itself: _Why can't it work with you, then?_

The last whale came strolling by, and it almost appeared to be smiling. QT couldn't help themselves and waved. It made a low grumble, and with a slow flick of its large tail moved along. After a moment, QT looked down to their wheels, and with the sounds fading, they wondered why they couldn't bring themselves to wake Dandy and go after one of the space-and-sea-creatures. He's sure never seen something like them in the catalogues he's browsed.

Maybe they'd never be able to wrap their RAM around that moment, and they could only ever watch such oddities go by. It was a gaping conclusion, but enough of one to get them to turn back to the controls and readjust the coordinates once more. The Vice was growing brighter, a neon purple settling in the cockpit of the Aloha Oe and along the edges of everything and everyone.

Meow turned their head away from the light, muttering something in his sleep. QT could still see the whales, only bits of green and white light to the ship now, drifting through the void of outer space. _If only my friends were awake to see them_ , they thought.

They didn't really pick up on the fact that the whales were leaving this specific quadrant of the Vice.


	2. Ravaxis Starburner: Hall Monitor Of The Vice Quadrant

"Now, give me an answer to this, Gidget..." Rav leaned back in his chair, setting both of his boots on the motherboard and getting a petty glance from the towering robot next to him. The man asked, "What bad qualifications do I got that would make the Commander want me to just _sit here and collect dust_ while he's out runnin' space errands?"

"I could not tell you, Rav. The Commander has his own reasons that cannot be fathomed at times -- like the one we are in right now." Gidget hummed, shifting a lever on the control board of the S.S. Alexander. Feeling a flickering light against their cranium, they turned their stare upwards and commented, "We should really consider buying new light fixtures."

"Are you even listenin' to me, Gidge?" Rav let air out in frustration, and his hat fell back and exposed his metal mask as he looked at the lights overhead with the robot. He went on, "Right now, we could be huntin' down those weird sky sharks that had been comin' up on our radar, or...scope out a new planet -- 'stead of playin' goalie for this here Vice Quadrant." He turned his head to one shoulder and smiled, "Am I right, Booplax?"

The alien immediately responded with, "Booplax!" and got a chuckle from the human.

Gidget looked out the windshield of the ship, and patiently sighed, "Rav, I can concur that we are playing our own vital role to the Commander, and ultimately...our own adventure. I really think we should take advantage of the peace and quiet."

"Yeah, alright. Whatever you say, buddy." Rav restlessly stretched in his chair, growing rather sore about the affair now. He wasn't a fan of remaining in one area of space when he was out with his two renegades, and especially not a fan of not being told why he had to stay put to begin with. The Commander had reasons, sure. Gidget was right about that, but to Starburner, it sounded like he needed at least some sort of help.

A deep frown formed on Rav's face when he realized the possibility of Commander Cosmo dying because he went alone, and more importantly, without him to help.

"Gidget, we gotta leave." Rav desperately sat forward, looking to his friend. The robot denied, "No can do. We are to follow the order of the Commander. Rav, really: we should just do what is expected."

The man demurred, "When has that solved anything?"  
"Well-" Gidget began, but Rav cut him off with a grunt of, "Don't answer that."  
"Booplax!" Booplax booplaxed.

Suddenly, a solid noise rose from the radar panel, and both Rav and Gidget gravitated towards it in surprise. "What's it pickin' up?" Rav asked, and Gidget gasped, "Oh my. It appears those flurries of sky sharks are returning to the Vice Quadrant...along with..." Booplax hopped over and stood next to Gidget, having to get on his toes to see the radar monitor. Him and Rav looked up to the robot as they cocked their head and finished, "Another spaceship...?"

"What now?" Rav prodded, and Gidget poked at some buttons and dials as they elaborated, "Well, that's what my calculations are reading from that little vessel right...there." They pointed to the screen, right at a spot in the cluster at the center of their radar map. Rav observed, "Huh, it looks like they ain't doin' too hot with those darn sharks..."

"Rav, I know where you're taking this." Gidget groaned, but the human went on, "They're gonna go down in space if they don't have any backup, y'reckon?"

"Rav."  
"Well, we can't just watch 'em! They're in the Quadrant, so we can go over there and save them!"  
 _"Rav."_  
"Come on, Booplax. We gotta get over there and stop those critters from tearin' up that poor vessel!"  
 _"RAV."_

With both hands on the steering wheel of the S.S. Alexander, Rav turned to Gidget and shone his teeth to them as he chimed, "Yeah?"

The robot stared for a moment, and then rose a careful finger and asked, "Do you need me to navigate to our destination?"


	3. Rav, We Have Company...Again *Seinfeld Bassline*

"SHARKS!?" Meow screamed, seeing an interstellar carnivore zip past the front windows of the ship. QT let out a noise of distress as three different alarms blared, caused by the strange sharks sinking their teeth into parts of the raggedy ship.

"The front of the Oe kind of looks like a shark," Meow meekly suggested, scratching up the edges of the motherboard that he grappled for stability with his claws, his many sets of ears flopping against his matted face as the ship jerked around in space, "Maybe if we start making shark noises, they'll leave us alone."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE A BUNCH OF SHARKS DOIN' IN SPACE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?" Dandy outbursted. He whipped his head around to look at the other two, bags under his eyes because he was still waking up. "THE LAST I CHECKED, THOSE DAMN THINGS WERE IN THE OCEAN--" He began to fiercely complain, but another shark rammed into the Oe and caused the room to shudder even more, and silence racked the trio as half of the motherboard suddenly shut down, lights going out of buttons and monitors flickering off.

Slowly taking his hands off the back of his head, the human glared out the window and finished, "Where they belong."

"I'm trying to get the ship to move, but the fuel tanks are leaking! We're almost out!" QT fretted, "I th-think one of them made a hole in the ship!"

"Ya think?" Dandy tried to yank the steering handles of the ship upwards, but just as the robot feared, it refused to budge. Meow glumly sighed, "Well, at least our deaths will be kinda cool. How many people get murdered by sharks in space, right?"

"You got a point..." Dandy agreed.

Then, a shark went for the front window to deal a final blow, but before he reached it a sudden ship came out from the edge of the window and plowed into the group of cosmic predators sabatoging the cockpit. All three of the Aloha Oe's crew just gawked for a moment, but QT broke the stunned silence, "Who was _that?"_

"Some kind of space animal control?" Meow suggested. The saving spaceship circled back into view, a bit farther this time and going for a horde that darted their way. QT rolled forward and gasped, "Look, their cockpit's on fire! Should we go over and help them?"

The sharks approached the ship, but at the sight of the orange flames dancing around the front windshield they all backed off and began to frantically waggle their tailfins as they left the vicinity. The other sharks began to follow, taking their jaws out of the Oe and leaving in the opposite direction that the space whales had gone.

"Do you think they...meant to do that?" Dandy rose an eyebrow as he asked no one in particular. The fire was quickly put out, and QT observed, "Ooh, they used a hologram! The sharks don't like fire."

The ship was a little shaky, but QT had figured installing an emergency fuel tank would come in handy one day. It was too bad he had forgotten about it until he saw the light flashing on a part of the control panel that still worked.  
_"Wow_ , talk about a memory error." Meow grumbled while Dandy tried to keep himself from popping a blood vessel about it.

The ship came close to the Oe, and a light blue arm with navy stripes held up a sign for the Crew to read: **TURN ON YOUR RADIO; 880-SS-ALX IS OUR TUNING!!**

"It looks like they want to talk to us!" QT commented, and Dandy snorted, "Maybe the animal control people see Meow and think we still have a problem." The cat shot him a sour look, to which the man grinned at, but began to try and tune in to the S.S. Alexander.

_"..H-...kssssh...-ere-shhhh-cht-cht-cht...-ou three alright in there? Your ship looks awful beat up."_

Meow called, "Found them!" and Dandy suddenly leaned into the microphone and responded, "We're fine. Thanks for that." QT wedged between the alien and the man and asked, "Excuse me! Thank you for saving us, sir! What were those sharks doing in space?"

"Those were the aliens known as _Sky Sharks_." Another voice came on the radio, and by its text-to-speech structure one could guess it was a robot. Meow tuned it so the voice was free of static as it went on, "There have been no sightings of such a creature until about a month ago, but they are here now. You are not the first to be tormented by them."

"You think they're unregistered?" Meow whispered, and Dandy craned his neck at the question. The Betelgeusian then leaned in and asked, "Do you guys hunt aliens for a living, too? We're actually alien hunters."

"So that's whatcha are, huh?" The first voice laughed, a strong Western twang coming through the airwaves, "Alien hunters. Never heard of that profession before." Dandy looked at the radio and asked, "Oh yeah? What sorta job do you do other than space animal control?"

_"Space animal control!?"_ The voice rose up in a huge spout of laughter, and the Crew began to giggle a little bit. While the man settled down, the automated voice sighed, "No, we are not what you just called us. We are more of a band of wanderers, accomplices to another man. Have you heard of Commander Cosmo?"

"Nope." Meow replied.  
"Never heard of him." Dandy yawned.  
"It's not ringing a bell..." QT hummed.

"Well, shoot. We should meet up, eh?" The other voice had calmed down, and he asked the crew, "How'd you like to travel on down to that Moon right over to that planetary system right there? It's our job to make sure your ol' vessel gets back on its feet before you zip on out."

"Hmm-" QT began, but Dandy shrugged, "Hey, why not? Just one thing: what's your name?"

"Ravaxis Starburner, and you?"

"It's Dandy, but you can call me Space Dandy."


	4. Ship Problems Are No Problem When You Got Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, back at it again with the space opera crossover. This time we talk about intergalactic legislation and robots. Who's ready to begin? :^D  
> This chapter took me forever to title tbh. It just sat as "Four" for the longest time. Anywho, we're halfway there! Four more chapters and so many ideas before _el fin._

"And then, the Commander just shot out of the star, like some sorta comet himself. Jumbo had no idea what was goin' on, the poor guy...He began to yap about his...guardian stuff.

Anywho, the Commander was lookin' pretty mad at this point, so Gidget, Booplax, and I just sat back and watched as he punched Jumbo in the face before he could go any further." Rav straightened his hat and looked to Dandy, who leaned against his faltering ship with his hands in his pockets as he stared out to the dusty horizon lined by a red glow of dying sunlight. The molten brown eyes rolled over to Rav as he shrugged, "That really took care of 'im. He didn't give me any trouble after that episode."

"Yeah, punching people in the face can solve a lot of your problems." Dandy commented, and Rav then smiled to him and asked, "What about you, Dandy? What sort of stuff do you do day in and day out? Your cat friend said you wrangle aliens?"

The man smiled at him and affirmated, "That's right, we find them and the registration center pays us for bringin' them in. It's kinda like fishing, or at least that's what QT tells me." Rav gawked, "I bet others like hearin' about that. Sounds like you got your hands full, huh?"

"Oh, believe me: people can't get enough of it. 'Specially the fair _women_ of the Universe." Dandy gloated, pulling his jacket in pride as he elaborated, "I like to tell them all about my adventures, baby. They beg me for more every time." Rav nodded carefully, raising his eyebrows at how the very mention of his work made him so animated -- or at least, the element of girls ogling about it to him.

Ever since the two ships had landed, QT had been getting up in the Oe's mechanics to fix the damage with the best of their abilities. They weren't too interested in making friends, honestly; they just wanted to get back to the job that they didn't want to admit the crew wouldn't really do.

"Excuse me, but do you need any assistance with the repair?" A voice QT recognized for its monotone, metallic echo called from outside, and the robot swiveled on their wheels and looked to the gangly android staring at them with a next to expressionless face.

"Oh! Uh...Yes, please." QT came rolling down, and the robot introduced themselves, "I'm Gidget, Rav's companion on the S.S. Alexander. What's your name?"

"I'm QT...Dandy's companion on this ship, the Aloha Oe." QT looked back up to the ship, acting like they were admiring the chipped paint and dents. Gidget shuffled over to stand next to them and complimented, "I see. The color is rather... _charming._ I've asked Rav if he ever wanted to paint our ship, but he refuses. How old is the vessel?"

"I can't remember, but it's not the most pristine. It does work nicely for being torn up so much, because of someone's reckless driving."

"Your human's a bit daring, too?" Gidget mumbled, and QT turned to them with surprise. The android elaborated, "Rav doesn't like to stay in one place, if I know him correctly. He thinks mostly about one thing at a time, but I'm being much too critical of him. After all, he is a good captain, and he's got his heart in the right position. Booplax and I would be out of an occupation if it weren't for him."

The robot continued to stare up at them, and all they could think to say was, "Me...too." Gidget looked down, and they just sort of observed one another for a minute. QT could sense a new feeling. Maybe the air pressure was too heavy on this moon, because something about the atmosphere was tenser than they remembered it.

"Anywho," Gidget walked along to where the hole in the ship stood and asked, "What are you repairing up here, QT?" The robot roved over and stammered, "Er, r-right here, Gidget..." Their monitor felt way too overheated, and they worried about powering down in front of such an android that they already connected with so much.

 

"Whoa." Meow's pupils grew as he prodded, "You once worked in the building of Maelda's Interstellar Congress? I really wondered what conclusions they reached after that argument on whether or not displaying that anti-uranium stuff would hurt people..."

"Booplax." Booplax answered. Meow pawed at the sand they sat on and gasped, "No way, they voted yes? Doesn't that violate some sort of free speech laws?"

Booplax informed, "Booplax." and Meow shook his head as he echoed, "So, they don't have those laws anymore since that crazy-ass dictator overthrew them?"

_"Booplax."_

"Wow..."

"Hey, Rav?" Dandy stuck his hands in his pockets, and when the starburner faced his mask towards him, he asked, "You and this Commander guy need any help dealin' with that _douche-star_ , or whatever you mentioned earlier that was causin' you problems?"

The other spaceman blinked in surprise at him, but before he could answer, something began to buzz on the radio in the S.S. Alexander, the door left open by Rav for this exact reason. It caused him to flinch, and he jumped up and cried, "Oh boy! Hold on there, Dandy. I need to take this!"

Dandy watched him scramble up into the cockpit, and sighed quietly while glancing over at the other four chatting it up. He almost wanted to tease QT when he saw them fumbling some bolts that they were holding while the other robot picked around to find the right one. In the dirt, Meow was gawking about some undeniably stupid topic with Rav's alien friend that didn't say anything except his own name. Dandy found himself asking, _How the hell could that even make for a conversation?_

Rav came tumbling back out, breathing heavily with his mask off. Dandy cocked his head sweetly at the guy as he gushed, "That was just the Commander! He's comin' here now! You should stick around to meet him. He's a real swell guy, an' he's lookin' for help actually, an' I was just gonna say yes to ya before I got all sidetracked."

Dandy eased, "Uh, sure. We can hang around. The ol' Aloha's still down, and I don't got anywhere to be...that I know of."

Rav stared off with an eager, radiant smile on his face, one hand holding his mask at his hip. Under the bruised metal were a pair of two ice blue eyes, full of a glowing joy. Dandy gave his new friend one more glance, and turning to lean against the Oe with one shoulder and look out at the blank surface of the Moon, he hoped this whale puncher was everything Rav had talked him up to be.


	5. Space Chicks Dig The Hair

The beam of light came shooting into the clearing of the sky without a sound, but for a moment the surface of the Moon was illuminated, the blanket of dark pulled for a short second. Rav put a hand over his brow to look at it, and when he caught the light boomerang back towards the planet, he looked to the others and mumbled, "There he is."

"Uh, what's with the shooting star?" Meow asked, and Booplax explained, "Booplax."  
The alien darted his eyes at him and echoed, "Commander _what-now?"_

"It's coming right at us!" QT cried, but Gidget assured them, "It is only a friend of ours. I am almost entirely certain that he will not blow up upon impact." The robot nervously tucked their arms into their body, and shook a little bit on their wheels as the orb of light came their direction in an insanely fast speed.

"Looks like he's got a friend with 'im..." Rav squinted at the light, and Dandy rose one eyebrow at him as he explained, "Looks like a woman, too."

"How can he see that?" Meow stuck his neck out at the light, narrowing his eyes a bit, "All I see is a huge-ass comet coming to destroy us."

Suddenly, the light came into sight as two human figures, darting downwards a few miles away from the two trios. Insane amounts of dirt kicked up as they skidded on their feet, the lights around them dying down and smoke emitting from their heads and shoulders as they neared, sliding hotly.

"Nice entrance." Dandy commented under his breath, and Rav elaborated, "Right? He always does that because he doesn't like kickin' sand in peoples' faces when he touchdowns." In clouds of dust and steam, the two people stood before them, quiet as the dirt calmed down. One was a square-shouldered, purple-skinned man with short hair that stuck upwards and a mightily long cape of starlight. Behind his arm was a girl with glowing white hair that touched her ankles, curling at her legs and ears. Both beings had bright white eyes that shone on Rav and Dandy like flashlights.

"Well, isn't this a surprise? What's your name, sw-" Dandy began, but Rav quickly shoved a hand over his mouth and whispered, "I wouldn't talk to her, buddy. The Commander said she was just with another guy, tearin' up space and killin' people on sight."

This made the unknowing spaceman swallow his crowing as the man approached, the girl staying back with a blank expression.

"Ravaxis." He greeted, and Rav replied in the same repressed happiness, "Commander Cosmo."

He slapped his hand on Dandy's chest instead of his mouth as he informed, "I found some fellas for our mission to take on the Necrostar." The Commander turned his chin a little at Dandy, taking in the pompadour and confused citrine eyes. He asked, "Is this true, sir?"

"Oh, you better believe it." Dandy answered, his confident smirk returning. The man turned more towards him, crossing his arms as he asked, "What are your qualifications to take on such a job with us?" Rav's eyes darted back and forth from the two men as Dandy held his hands up in a theatrical attempt to clarify each word he spoke, and told him, "I'm an alien hunter. I deal with the freakiest things that you can't even imagine to see with your flashlight eyes. Your buddy tells me the Necro-dick or whatever is an alien, so I think I'd want to lend a hand, seeing what I do day in and day out. After all, Rav saved me and my friends' tails from...some sort of sharks earlier. If I can, I wouldn't mind returning the favor."

The Commander came a step closer and with a frown he warned, "Space Sharks are nothing compared to something like this, Mr...Mr..."

"It's Dandy, but you can call me Space Dandy." His sharp smile made the Commander straighten himself out again as he continued, "Well, it's a good start, Mr. Space Dandy. I should inform you that I have also fought many cretins from the cosmos much like yourself, but the Necrostar is something ten times more vile than what I've ever seen. He has a million eyes, and the tendrils that can choke out the brightest and strongest of the galaxies from where it can reach."

"Huh, not the first time I've dealt with something with more than two eyes." Dandy snorted, and Commander Cosmo finally cleared his throat, "Well...what about your friends? Are they in the same profession as you?"

"Yeah, QT and Meow? They tag along with me." Dandy explained. Upon hearing their names, the robot and alien listened closer, and the Commander glanced up at them for the first time.

With his attention off the man, Dandy glanced back at the woman who had remained quiet and distant from the group since she arrived. She had a deeper purple and blue color to her skin than the Commander, and her entire skeleton was shown through translucent skin. She locked eyes with him, and he couldn't help but shoot her a wink.

"Well, I..." QT stammered, and the Commander insisted, "It's not that we don't want your help, I apologize if I'm being too cautious. We just don't want to bring unprepared people to such an affair, and be responsible for unnecessary death."

QT was silent as Meow then asked, "What did Dandy say about it?" and the man responded, "He says you guys are alien hunters, who understand the consequences and what is on the line."

Meow then brushed it off, "Sure we do. This one time, we befriended this girl named Mamitas, and she actually turned out to be an alien the size of a skyscraper or something! We handled her like it wasn't anything. She was laid out in minutes!"

"Many minutes." Was all QT could contribute at the moment. The man looked to the ground as they spoke, but finally looked at them and sighed, "Very well. I would love to have you join us, then."

"R-really?" QT gasped, and the Commander gave a thoughtful nod to them. Turning around, he caught a vacant spot where his friend had been told to stay put. He glanced over, and Rav was smirking at the scene in front of him.

 _"Cosmica..."_ The Commander groaned, seeing the girl standing behind Dandy, her hands running through his hair. He seemed a bit lost for words, not knowing whether to stop her from messing up his pomp or to let it happen because he wanted to be a gentleman. The girl then poked her head out from over his shoulder and began whispering to him.  
"...What now?" He suddenly grinned, "You've never seen somethin' like this before?" His hands guestured up to his hair, and she shook her head. He gasped, "You been livin' under a rock, baby? It's not an uncommon hairstyle, but I'll be honest: no one can pull it off like I can."

She then said something back to him, and his face turned a little red as a flattered smile replaced his confident, sharp expression for the first time that Rav and the Commander had seen on him.

"Whoa, who's your friend?" Meow asked the Commander, and he explained, "That's Cosmica, the Daughter of Space. She's been rather reckless with that title...and as you can see," He held a hand up to Dandy and her as he muttered, "She has a soft spot for humans."


	6. That Time We Became Heroes

_"Commander Cosmo, come in._  
_..._  
_Commander Cosmo, come in. This is Space Militia 10."_

In the moment of Cosmica fawning over Meow's many pairs of ears and QT's adorably simplistic expressions, The Commander stopped frowning at the scene before him and turned away. He spoke into the communication device on his wrist, pulling his cape more over his shoulders.

_"Space Militia 10, this is Commander Cosmo..."_

"So," Rav clapped a hand on Dandy's shoulder, snapping him out of dreamily grinning at Cosmica, "You're part of our little band of heroes now, huh?" He turned around and with a bright grin and a shrug affirmated, "Well, yeah. Think so."

"Now, this isn't some hunky-dory mission The Commander's puttin' us on, alright?" Rav's face went big-eyed and his mouth fell flat in sincerity. Dandy rose his eyebrows as the starburner went on, "We plan to...well, _kill_ the Necrostar in the end."

"You think I'm not familiar with things kickin' the bucket, Rav?" Dandy sharply prodded, and without another prompting his smile fell, and echoing remnants of certain people he had to see go flashed in his head. He quickly shook it off, and trying to recapture his stride he explained, "I've had times where some...punk-ass aliens just wouldn't work with me, and if other livin' things were on the line? There'd be no question 'bout it, baby: I'd have to take a stand for those other things and kill their predator myself. That makes ol' Dandy the predator, sure, but-"

"Alright, alright," Rav laughed, "You're the death expert, I accept that." The spaceman gave him a lingering stare, mid-tangent, and finally let it go with a small sigh.

QT called from under Rav, "Excuse me, Mr. Starburner?" The man looked down, mask hissing in response, and the robot flinched but then continued, "What sort of mission are we going to be taking on, exactly? I haven't been able to listen that closely..."

"Well, little buddy," Rav got down to a familiar crouch, knees at his chest, and elaborated, "We're takin' on this huge fella that's been really tearin' up the stars. He's called the Necrostar. You heard of him?"

"No, sir..." QT gasped, and Rav went on, "Well, you'll never forget him after we see him. He's not a pretty guy, but he'll be lookin' worse by the time I'm through with him." The robot gasped, "I-Is he really that horrible?"

"Yes." Commander Cosmo had returned, and then began to dictate at the two teams, "We will need some time to gather all the Heroes that we can. That's what we need, some heroes...and you six are my right hand-men...and robots."

"Don't forget ol' Cosmica, either!" Rav added with a grin, the daughter perking up at the sound of her name. The Commander cracked for a moment, chuckling, "Oh, how could I forget her?" She put a hand to her face in embarrassment, and then tiptoed over to Dandy, sneaking up on him before jumping on his back with an echoing sonic laugh. His shock quickly turned into a stunned giggle in return, bending over at her impact but then quickly snickering, "Whatcha doin', baby?"

"She's really taken a likin' to Dandy, eh?" Rav murmured to the others, and the Commander just shrugged. He then walked over to the both of them, sidetracking Dandy from his goofing off with the Daughter of Space by holding his hand out. He spoke in a proud voice, "Welcome, Space Dandy and Aloha Oe crew, to becoming heroes."

"If you ask me," Dandy clasped his hand, smirking to Cosmica, "I've been a hero longer than that." The Commander's mouth pulled to one side in skepticism, but he didn't comment.

 

"Keep the radio on at all times, Mr. QT." The Commander asked as he walked the three of them to their ship, "I want you to find the tuning _CW0-CC3-U5P_ and keep it to that at all times. I'm going to give your ship a signal when we're able to act against the Necrostar next."

"That sounds good." QT beamed, and Meow waved to the other three and called, "Bye, Booplax! It was nice to talk to you and meet your friends, dude!"

The alien responded with a mirrored wave and a "booplax" in answer. The Commander gave Dandy one last nod, and with a turn and wavy flick of his cape was off to his own devices again.

But, he found himself one supernatural being short. "Cosmica...?" He turned back around, and saw her rubbing her fingers on Meow's cheeks, the alien grinning dreamily at it. She looked to him, and he said, "It's time to go."  
She rose her eyebrows, and then asked in a voice as thunderous as a calm Summer rainstorm, "Can I go with them?"

"What?" The Commander turned on his heels, and frowned deeply as she elaborated, "I want another chance, Cosmo. I want...to see _their_ kind of space. I could learn about love and humanity again. He...he never taught me the right things, I know that now. Please, Cosmo..." Her arms warped to longer lengths and wrapped around the crew, who stared at her as she smiled down to them.

"Not now, Cosmica. Come on." The Commander extended a hand and sighed, "You aren't ready just yet. Like you said, you're still learning."

Dandy was about to demur, but stopped as Cosmica slowly, carefully set them down, pulling her arms to standard human lengths, and bravely marched back to him. She didn't look back, and something about that hurt him.

"What's his deal?" Dandy whispered, and QT explained, "I think the Commander said that she was with another human before this, and maybe...it didn't end well."

"Wha...? Who would hurt someone like her?" Dandy questioned them, watching the two space gods walk away and the S.S. Alexander begin to power up for departure. Meow took in a deep sigh, and murmured to himself as he looked to the sky, "Until next time, I guess."

"H...Hey! _Cosmica!"_ Dandy suddenly jumped forward, waving his hands desperately at the shrinking bundle of white laser hair. She stopped, and turned around again as he yelled, "Tell me when you can come back, alright? You can become a member of the Aloha Oe crew! We've got a spot -- just for you!"

The girl let out a noise of joy in response, and then she was gone. Shooting off the Moon's ground and into the star-peppered sky with her cosmic bodyguard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday Update! The last two chapters are planned to be posted on Tuesday and Thursday. The next installment will have the thing we all came here for: _the robots..._


	7. These Wonderful Automaton Blokes

"Hatchworth!" Rabbit gasped, peering down from their spacecraft's window at the yellow ship sliding into her view from beneath her feet. "Look down! It's another space-space-spaceship!"

Hatchworth wasn't in the room, but she still spoke like someone was listening. "Maybe...maybe they have a radio. Hey, y-yeah! What are they doin' so far into space like-like-like-like-like this?"  
She put a hand to her mouth, making a comically scared expression as she wondered aloud, "What if they're lost!?"

Turning on her heels, Rabbit moved her static joints as quickly as she could, sticking a confident finger in the air. "Th'Spine! Spine, I n-n-need the radio!"

"Why, Rabbit?" The deep voice asked, and she huffed at him, "No time to explain, Mister. Just gimme the thing, please."

 

"Huh, did we go the right direction, Dandy?" QT asked, trying to make sense of the new coordinates. They scolded, "You know, going through the first wormhole you see isn't a method of safe interstellar travel!"

"Calm down, buddy. We aren't dead, are we?" Dandy asked, exposing one of his palms in a half-hearted shrug, and the robot shot him a dry look from the navigator's seat. Suddenly, a shadow overcame the ship from overhead, and it was quiet for a few moments. QT shuddered and asked, "Did the lights go out again?"

"Nah, it's just another ship." Meow answered, leaning over to attempt and see what was overhead. From the pondering silence, the radio began to buzz. _k-k-ksssh...shtsthasshhhh..._

_"H-hello? This is the S.S. Biscuiteer, comin' to the b-big yellow-ow ship under us!"_

_..._

_"Hello?"_

"Spine!" Rabbit gasped, putting her crimson fingers against the radio's speaker to block out her voice, and beaming to her stickler, silver friend, "They answered me!"  
He rose one eyebrow at the speaker but before he could comment, she was back on it. "Who's this?" She asked curiously.

"I'm QT of the Aloha Oe. That's the name of the big yellow ship." The voice on the other line answered.

The Spine cocked his head, his green eyes falling to the radio as he murmured, "Doesn't that sound like...another robot? That voice is too autotuned to be from a natural human voicebox..."

"Say, are-are you a ro-ro-robot?" Rabbit then asked, getting a hushed _"Rabbit, don't just ask them that."_ from Spine.

...

"I am," QT answered, "Why, can you see me from the window of the S.S. Biscuiteer, Miss?"

"N-no, my friend says you sound like one. We're robots, t-too!"

Another voice on the other end thundered, "Automatons, to be more precise."

_"Wha_ -matons?" Dandy attempted to repeat, but QT disregarded him as they beamed, "Wow, I haven't met this many robots in one day for a long time. It's a pleasure, Miss!" Dandy sat forward in his seat, and without his answer, began to try and fly upwards so he could see the ship and these whatever-matons for himself.

"Oh! Where are my manners? My name is R-R-R-Rabbit!" The voice stuttered, "Me and my two friends were built back in 1896! Say hi to QT, Th'Spine!" QT felt their circuits shoot up and down with glee as the deeper voice returned and introduced, "Hello, other robot. I'm The Spine, and I was built with a titanium alloy spine."

"Hey, there they are." Dandy hummed, and QT turned in their seat to the window. They saw a humanlike robot with a tophat and porclain white face beaming and waving at them ecstatically, bouncing on her heels a bit.

The robot got down from their seat and gasped, "I-I see you, Miss Rabbit! Hi there!" They rose a hand to the ship, while the other two watched.

"Aw, you're shorter than I thought you'd be." Rabbit cooed, "Like a lil roly-poly!" QT nervously laughed, "Ehe...I get that a lot, actually."

Rabbit then turned away from the window and hollered, "HATCHWORTH, GET YOUR BOOTY-BUTT IN HERE! WE'VE MADE NEW FRIENDS IN SPACE!"

"Who's the human?" The Spine asked, and QT answered from the radio, "Oh! These are my friends. Dandy's the human, and Meow's the alien! Say hi, you two!"

"Hey." Dandy coughed.  
"Yo." Meow yawned.

"N-n-nice hair, Dandy." Rabbit complimented, and then a new voice came through as they asked, "What's all the racket about, Rabbit?"

"Hatchworth!"

Meow scoffed, "Pff, get a load of that one's moustache." and Dandy added, "You can tell they were built way back when, huh?"

"It gives us more life experience than most, Mr. Dandy." The Spine suddenly muttered from the other end of the radio, shooting them a cross look from their ship.

QT asked, "Miss Rabbit, what are you and your robot friends doing all the way out here in space? I assume you call somewhere home?"

"Well, it's a l-l-long story, actually." The robot turned to a seat on her left, and carefully sat herself down and kept the radio's speaker close to her mouth. "It aaaall started when this satellite came crashing i-in-in-int-t-t-to our yard on planet Earth. We live in the house known as the _Walter Manor."_

QT stayed as close as they could to the radio, and the sweet, excited voice of Rabbit kept them following each element of the story as close as they could. Dandy and Meow would zone out, do something else while she told her long tale of going to find the satellite's lost love, a "green apple planet", as Hatchworth had explained.

Rabbit had always loved to tell stories, and she couldn't of asked for a better audience for when she told the W.I.N.K. story for the first time. Grinning, laughing, and giving her own commentary to QT, she found a craving for the little hums and tuned laughs that she got back from them. The two dots that they had for eyes in their face monitor never left the S.S. Biscuiteer, their own radio speaker as close to their screen as Rabbit kept hers to her face.

Fear began to grip her soul. She held tighter to the speaker as she got to the end of her story, and realized they'd disperse and she'd never see the sweet little vaccum cleaner again. Seeing they had an alien and little knowledge of what was happening on Earth, they weren't going near the planet most likely. She shook a little, and didn't want to think about that anymore.

_"Space whales?"_ QT blurted, and Rabbit hadn't realized what she had been saying, jumping at the other voice. She then nodded, "Oh yeah! I saw them a few sp-space miles back!"  
"Lightyears." The Spine corrected in the background.

"I saw them, too!" QT's voice reached a higher, happier pitch, "They were so beautiful! I've never seen something like them before! I even waved at them, Rabbit!"

"You saw what now?" Dandy asked, and Rabbit stood up, putting her hand on the window as she laughed gently. "QT...you l-love space whales, too?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I believe that these two were _built_ for each other, Spine..." Hatchworth teased in a flat tone. Rabbit disregarded it and asked, "S-say, would you...w-w-want to meet somewhere, you guys? Like, r-right now? Just to say hello in...ac-actual-al face t'face?" Smiling nicely to the other ship, Meow suggested, "We do need to refill on fuel, actually. It's getting kinda low."

"Rabbit, n-" Spine began, but she turned to him with wide eyes and a desperate frown as she whispered in her vocal piping, _"Please_ , Th'Spine?"

He just gave her a dumbfounded stare as Dandy then piped up, "I know a somewhere we can meet."

_"Oh no."_ was all QT said in response.


	8. The Robot That Fancies Space Whales, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the _thrilling conclusion_ of my self-indulgent crossover fic.  
>  i might do a continuation of this sooner or later, but it's up in the air for now. i've got exams to do and some school business to wrap up in the next month, so I'll try to post another something by early June. Toodles, I hope the few who have read this liked it <3

"Rabbit, we're seriously going to be facing some metaphorical music for flying so far off course." The Spine fretted, but the other robot replied, "Aw, talk about no fun! Stop worryin' so much, Mister Grumpy-pants. It's not like they're taking us somewh-where dangerous."

"What do we make of this?" Hatchworth asked, cocking his head curiously at the space station coming into sight. Upon seeing the sign, both of the other robots gasped and put a hand over each of their bronze counterparts' eyes.

_"Aha..."_ Rabbit smiled nervously at Spine and suggested, "Maybe it's...short for something?"

"What could the word 'Boobies' possibly be short for, Rabbit!?" The Spine questioned in terror.

"Oh, are we leaving a family friendly setting?" Hatchworth asked, "I don't believe I've been out of one of those since the late twenties, as far as I can remember."

"Uh, QT?" Rabbit grabbed the radio again and asked, "What is this pl-pl-place exactly about?"

The robot was silent on the other line for a moment, but then sighed, "I'll be completely honest, Rabbit: it's a restaurant that has almost any sort of waitress that sports breasts serving you in skimpy clothing -- human, robot, or alien."

"Whoa, r-r-really? Welp, I'm sold." Rabbit shrugged, and the other two robots made a face at her.

 

"Rabbit!" The moment QT recognized the three automatons entering the floor, they took off from their friends and over to them. Rabbit was catching short glances at the women, coyly acting as if the sights weren't intriguing to her, but The Spine kept his eyes firmly in the empty spaces ahead of him. It wasn't in his sort of taste to see women like this. Hatchworth didn't really know how to react, so he kept close to the other two, giving an occassional confused stare at the other aliens they passed.

"If Dandy weren't so insistent, I wouldn't of let him take us here..." QT nervously stammered, "I'm sor-"

"No! It's perfect!" Rabbit suddenly hoisted QT off the floor, and the robot let out a surprised noise as she held them in a cold but elated embrace. It meant everything to speak without a radio wave between them.

"But you see," The Spine then spoke up, shrugging, "We can't stay long. We have important errands on Earth to get to."

"We can st-stay for a little bit, though." Rabbit added, getting a flat look from her silver accomplice. She finally set QT back on the floor, and the other two came over. Unlike the robot band, Dandy was right where he felt he belonged, giving unshy stares at any girl he saw. Meow was gazing at the new group in a friendly cock of his head.

"Hello, QT's strange friends." Hatchworth greeted, but Dandy went straight for the throat. "So, QT's lady friend, what sort of programs warm up your circuitr-"

The robot's eyes grew in the span of two seconds, lighting up in disgust. _BAM!_ In a swift swat of her arm, a white-handed palm immediately met the offender's face, as questioning the inner wirings of Rabbit's chassis was a rather intimate question.

Dandy stepped back, reeling from a cold metal slap as QT gasped, "Oh dear, I apologize. He's really persistent when it comes to flirting with girls..." The Spine pursed his lips at this, wondering if he should slap him next, and Hatchy was still trying to concur the correct reaction to the entire situation he was in.

Rabbit shrugged, smiling again as she took QT's hand and asked, "Why d-d-don'tcha show me around, huh?"

"Er, okay!"

"Rabbit, don't-" The Spine began, but the two of them were already running and rolling faster than he could beg her not to leave him and Hatchy alone with Blockhead and Bonehead.

"Yeeeah, we can go hang out somewhere quiet, if you want." Meow slowly sighed, "Dandy and I like this place, but I get that it isn't for everyone."

"...You know what, I actually appreciate that guesture." The Spine stopped glaring, and glancing down he asked, "Where's the quietest place here, Mr. Cat alien?"

"I'm a Betelgeusian, actually, but right this way. Come on."

"Talk about a sucky group to hang around with," Dandy said quietly, but walking with the other three.

"Oh, believe me, Mr. Dandy," Hatchworth put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, "It could be much worse."

 

"Wow, so you travel space on the r-r-regular?" Rabbit asked, sitting crosslegged on the floor so she didn't struggle with such a height issue compared to her friend. QT replied, "Uh-huh. I'm a certified alien hunter with Dandy, the guy you slapped back there. You really saw him at his worse, I think. He's a decent guy when he isn't trying to flirt with anything that appeals to his so-called man senses."

"Sure, I can totally believe that. You've convinced me, QT. Never gonna have to tell me that a million times over before I unapologetically bel-l-lieve you." She insisted, talking like she was sarcastically trying to reach a required word count on an essay and looking out the window at the deep glittery canvas of space.

"Well, what do you do, Rabbit?" QT changed the subject, "Do you have fun adventures like this, too?" She then turned to him with a smile and admitted gladly, "I'm in a band with the other two! I play the accordian, keytar, the who-dogger, and I _sing!"_

"You do?" QT grew curious, but before they could say anything else she cleared her throat. Opening up her vocal chords a little more, she began to sing one of her favorites for the little robot.

_"I'll rust with yooou, I'll rust with every one of you._   
_Nostalgic niiights_   
_have got me feelin' it's all gone..._   
_To rust..."_

Her warm, smooth voice sent an ecstatic feeling through the small robot, and they only gasped as Rabbit tipped her chin back down and asked, "Whaddaya think?"

"I think..." QT stammered, "That that was the prettiest voice I've ever heard!"

"Aw, y'really th-think so?" She asked with a flattered, growing smile, and QT nervously put together the best they could, "I...know so!"

Finally, the two returned to the group, still holding hands like they had upon ditching. The Spine was tapping his knee impatiently, looking intently at the floor, and Hatchworth was trying to stomach a magazine that he had picked up from somewhere. It wasn't going well, though, as more steam bellowed from the smokestack in his hat with each page he turned. Meow was on his phone, acting like he wasn't using this still moment to get some pervy pictures of the surrounding girls, and Dandy was a few paces away mingling with said girls.

"Wow, looks like a real p-p-party you guys got goin' on over here..." Rabbit commented, smiling smugly. QT looked up at her as The Spine asked, "Are we going home now?"

The robot took in a large breath, despite there being no need for her to, and rolling her eyes she looked down at him. Her magenta hair fell forward a bit as she finally said, _"Yeah_ , I suppose."

The silver automaton almost broke his legs because he stood up so fast, and he then chimed, "Great, then let's get to it. Goodbye, Meow. Goodbye, Dandy. Goodbye, QT. It was really great to meet you all, but we really must be on our way."

"See ya." Meow hummed without looking up.  
"Oh--! Later, you crazy robots." Dandy piped up from where he was standing, but quickly turned back around and continued to ogle the ladies.

"Before I go, QT," Rabbit murmured, "I want you to h-have this..." The robot almost couldn't bear to watch her take a button from the red-collared coat she wore, tearing it from the embedded threads. She crouched down and set the button in their hands, assuring, "Keep it to r-remember me by, alright?"

"But, Rabbit! Your jacket..." The robot began, but she insisted, "I can f-fix it, I promise..." She stared intently into their monitor, and felt the closest thing she had to a heart grow as she then reached over and gave them one last embrace. QT couldn't find any words to say as they slowly took out their arms and returned the hug. The embrace matched a feeling close to what the whales had given them, from what felt like days ago. It made no sense as to why another machine could make them so...so...happy.  
"Come on, Rabbit!" Spine groaned, stopping again when he realized she was still chatting it up with the other robot from the group of dudes he didn't care to know.

_Quick, find something to give her in return._

"Rabbit!" QT gasped, opening the compartment in their front. The robot stood up again, patiently watching them dig around, and dread racked them when all they could find was a paperclip.

"Oh no..." They began, but Rabbit swooned, "It's p-perfect!" QT looked up in confusion, but then gave the stationary to her.

"I don't have to re-replace this bu-bu-button after all!" Sticking it in the rips left from tearing out the button, she fastened her jacket once again, and smiled down sweetly as she murmured, "Th-thank you. Thank you for everything!"

With one last stare, they went seperate ways, not sure if they'd ever see each other again. It was bittersweet and hard to depart knowing that, but before all was lost to the vast frontier, Rabbit turned around and cried, _"Goodbye! ...I love you!"_

**Author's Note:**

> When I started this project, I called it _"The Space Dandy-Steam Powered Giraffe Crossover Fic That No One Wants"_ until I came up with a better name. Finally at around Chapter 3-4, I decided on the one you just clicked on. I spent a little more than two weeks on this entire thing, writing about a chapter or two at a time, and I wanted to finish it entirely before throwing it out on the internet. Chapter updates will be stretched out during the next two-ish weeks, so if you're one of the few people that actually want to read this, I'm going to ask you to buckle up. It's eight chapters of shark attacks, pairings that'll literally never happen, and two space operas that were somehow mutated into one entity...  
>  *tries to take a bite out of it*  
> P.S. SPG fans, please go watch Space Dandy. I'll admit it's weird at times, but if you like space and VQ's one of your all-time favorite albums, you'll learn to love the Aloha Oe crew.  
> Space Dandy fans, please go listen to SPG. It's the sweetest robot folk band you'll ever involve yourself in.
> 
> Alright, that's all I got for now! Please enjoy the fic, and comments of criticism are always appreciated. I crave critique from great writers that I know are on this site (aka ALL OF YOU <3)
> 
> (Yes even the tentacle porn writers <3)


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